Of course, it is not easy to admit the tough lessons we have stumbled upon by making mistakes, but if it helps just one of my tribe get to a happier point, I will gladly share my mess-ups. It is humbling that although friends who went on this journey before me, tried to advise me, I did not always head the advice given and ended up learning a lot in the process. Mistakes are part of the journey. The lessons you learn are tools for the present and the future.
Know Your Financial Status
Whether you are considering divorce, in the thick of it, or are with me in the recovery phase, you need to know about your finances.
When it came to the house, the children, the planning, the school activities, sports, cooking, organizing, holidays…let me tell you, I had it DOWN!
How much money did we have? Need? Save? Bring in? Nope!
This college graduate who worked years in Corporate America, brought home a healthy salary, funded her college, and prided herself on thrifty living had no idea of her finances. Going through a divorce like this is not only scary; it is stupid! It is up to us to be knowledgeable about money and saving.
Check out Annuities & Divorce Laws for an excellent source of information on the topic of annuities and helpful insight about equitable distribution when divorcing.
Ask Questions
What do we bring in? How much do we owe? Who do we owe?
Do the research. Find out what it costs to run your life. What is your mortgage? Internet payment? Utility bill? How much are you spending on groceries, eating out, tuition, children’s activities, entertainment, pets?
Be a part of the finances. How can you cut costs? Are you saving? Is it enough? Are there better ways to invest our money?
Plan for the Future
It is vital to consider decisions made today will impact your life in the future. So think about your goals and how you plan to attain them. Think about when you want to retire or where you want to end up geographically. Think about the responsibilities that you have regarding your children and family. And remember, there can be unexpected life changes or events.
Change is hard, but it is necessary. If you are feeling stuck or scared or anxious or angry or resentful, you are right on track. I felt all of these feelings and not just once or twice. The grievance cycle can go on for quite some time, and it is 100% normal to feel this way. The best part is with each of these steps and phases; you are growing! You are getting closer to where your journey is taking you. Change stinks. It pulls us out of our comfort zone into uncertainty and chaos. It challenges us in a way we never thought possible and quite honestly, ways we are not always sure we can survive. We do, though.
If we believe in ourselves, accept help and advice from those who have gone before us, we will be just fine and with a few lessons for life.
Leave a Reply