When I was going through the process of divorce, several phrases were recurring themes. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard these words from friends and family, and honestly, I found them utterly annoying at the time. Interestingly, now, when I hear a friend is starting her divorce journey, they come to mind. Now they make so much more sense.
Everything Happens for a Reason
This one used to get me fired up. I wanted to scream, “Ok. So, my family just fell apart, I am rebuilding my life at 40 with no home, no family around, barely any savings and trying to hold it together with hope my kids don’t go into panic mode, but there is a reason??? Yeah, sure!”
Looking back now, I have a clearer perception of this comment. I can see that it is true. If I had not gone through the struggles of facing my marital issues and had to solve the tough obstacles along the way, I would have never pushed myself into a better place in my career. I would have never purchased my own home and learned to do all the handy household chores that I have mastered, nor would I have met so many new friends and neighbors that I have come to adore. I would not have read all he insightful books that have given me so much knowledge about business, spirituality, health and wellness, money management and investing. I would not have challenged myself to be a better mother and a better person to mentor my children. I would not have been there for my dear friends and family when they needed my help in life-changing moments.
Life is crazy and complicated. It can be overwhelming, and then it can be beautiful all within moments. Savor each one and know that everything indeed does happen for a reason.
What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger
I can’t help but start singing Kelly Clarkson’s song when someone says this to me. But you have to admit this. There is something to this one too. Getting past the pain and struggle of divorce is more challenging than I ever imagined. The damage goes so much deeper than breaking up with your spouse or even the changing of life. Grieving the loss of your family unit, your home as you know it -and many times your physical home-the memories it holds of family gatherings, children’s milestones and other special times.
For many, it is losing family members and in-laws, friends and neighbors. It is facing tough decisions on your own while also having to fear the consequences of those decisions being the wrong choice. It is the emotional roller coaster that seems like it will never end. It is tackling parenting, finances, and responsibilities alone.
And then come the first holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, parties and school events…
Oh! And let’s not forget the awkwardness of seeing your spouse with someone new…and helping your kids to be ok with it all.
But one day, you start to realize that all these challenges and struggles and hurts that have confronted you have started to get a little easier to bear. You slowly begin to notice progression and the strength you have gained. You will realize you’re becoming more confident. Eventually, you are supporting another person through the very circumstance that once crippled you with emotion.
This Too Shall Pass
Yes, it shall. You will get through it, so will your family. One day you will reflect upon something in particular, and it will hit you. You have overcome so much and had not even realized it. I don’t pretend to have all the answers. Frankly, what worked for me may not work for you. I just know that after several years of tough times and obstacles I was not sure how I would navigate, I am stronger and wiser. I see there are reasons I faced the struggles. The fear and pain I once felt is passing, slowly, but surely and for the better.
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