Are You Ready to Date?

It has been years since you thought about dating. When is it time to start dating again? And how do you go about starting the process?
There is not a one size fits all rule book for divorce. Just as there is not a step by step guide for dating after divorce, but now that I think about it, both of those might come in handy. In any case, evaluating your situation is probably the first step in determining whether dating or holding off is the best plan for you.

Evaluate your situation
How long have you been divorced? Are you feeling ready to date?
Do you have children, and if so, do you have someone who can help care for them if you go on a date? Does your schedule permit you time to date? How often?

Be true to yourself
Just as divorce was nothing to rush into, neither is dating. Take your time to feel confident in your decision to date. Also, consider the type of personality traits you are looking for in a partner. Here is an opportunity to learn from the past, and you certainly want to focus on the positive qualities you enjoy in a relationship. You might also consider the traits you are not too crazy about and are wanting to avoid. For instance, I knew honesty was a critical characteristic I HAD to see in someone I would date. carefully considering the values I was looking for in a person, I took my time to look for cues and patterns that pointed toward a trustworthy and reliable man. Focus on your core values and be sure they align with the morals of the person you choose to date.

Be patient
Let yourself grieve and heal before you get back out there. For some of us, this takes a bit longer than it does for others.
Even though you might be ready to get out and date again, the person you are looking for may take a little time to find. Friends can be eager to set you up with a friend or acquaintance, and this can be a fabulous way to meet someone to spend time with a group or in a more casual setting. Just because your friends think you would be great for each other does not mean that you or your date will share the opinion. Guess what? THAT IS OK!
Take your time, be picky, date around a bit. It does not have to be your one and only! Sometimes the most amazing friendships come from a partner that was not mean to be.
I was given the advice to provide myself with an entire year before dating. I followed this advice, and I am glad I did. It was the right decision for my family and me. I had time to remember who I was and what my preferences were on activities and restaurants. I started playing tennis with my girlfriends on Wednesday nights and even enjoyed a few girls’ trips.

Once you find someone
Before introducing your children or other significant people, to people you are dating, consider a couple of things. Is the person you are dating going to be long term? Are your loved ones ready for this step?
It can be exciting for you to have met someone with whom you enjoy spending time. Of course, you want your loved ones to meet this person as well and get to know why they are significant to you, but you also need to consider that your children have been through a divorce too. They have lost the family unit that they have been used to and will need their time to grieve as well. It is best to wait until you are sure this relationship is going to be long term before introducing the children. Take it slow and allow time for them to adjust.
This dating thing is all unfamiliar territory. There can be a lot of anxiety and fear that surface, but you also might meet some fascinating new people. Before you know it, you will get back to your groove and will enjoy this new chapter.