Some people hated being pregnant- the weight gain, nausea, the aches and pains that came with it all. Not me. I loved every second of it. From the moment those two lines appeared on the test confirming I was going to be a mommy, I was overjoyed. With every single change throughout both of my pregnancies, even the ones that didn’t make me feel sexy or beautiful, I knew I was meant for this. I was born to be a mom.
I know women who could not wait for their pregnancy to be over. You may think I am strange, but I kind of got a little sad about it. As much as I wanted to meet my sweet baby, I knew I would miss holding my belly and feeling that life living inside me – moving and hiccuping, reminding me he & she was there. I would miss seeing the outline of the little foot that was kicking me from inside, telling me he & she was ready to come into this world and meet us. I felt the same about the toddler stage and the elementary age. I never knew it was the last time I would pick them up or the last time I would snuggle them on my lap for a goodnight book. I never knew it was the last time I would give them a bath or brush their hair. (Sigh)
My oldest is about to graduate high school and will leave for college soon, and once again, I feel that longing for time to slow down just a little bit
. There are so many emotions tied up in this momentous time. I am incredibly proud of the man he has become and the accomplishments he has achieved. I am confident he is wise enough to be on his own and that he will continue to be successful in college and beyond. I swell with pride when I see the kindness of his heart and how he has such empathy toward others. But selfishly, I want him to stay a little while longer…
I want to watch him needle his sister and listen from the other room to their inside jokes, which typically turn into jokes about how I don’t understand them. I want to make his favorite meals and watch him devour every bite of peanut butter pie. I want to hear the music playing from his room and the basketball bouncing in the driveway.
Yet, I know that it is time for him to venture out and start to gain his independence. I know that although he will not be in my presence every day, that he will take a piece of me, just like I have my sweet mom. Even when we don’t speak or see one another for a while, he will be thinking of what I would want him to do or to say. The memories we have shared over the past eighteen years are etched in his mind, just as they are mine, and no matter the distance or time spent apart, we will always have each other. I never understood the depths of the love my mom had for my siblings and me until I was given the gift of motherhood. I love my children so very much. I am so grateful every day.
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