The first time I heard, “you need to establish your boundaries.” I was in my twenties and struggled with a relationship that was entirely unhealthy for me. I had no clue what boundaries were, and I just nodded as if I was in total agreement. So what are boundaries? According to Merriam Webster Dictionary, a boundary’s legal definition is “a theoretical line that marks the limit of an area of land.”
So what was I doing wrong? How was I not establishing boundaries? I was taught to live my life by the golden rule for starters: treat others like you want to be treated. In an ideal world, this works. But just because I think it, doesn’t mean everyone else shares the same opinion.
After making similar mistakes throughout the years with romantic relationships, work relationships, and friendships, I now realize that boundaries are much like house rules. We need them to set the expectations of how we want to live our lives, and so others know the limits we have for how we will be treated and what we will tolerate. For example, I have never liked being late. I have several friends who are unapologetically late all the time and think nothing of it. How we are raised, our environment, our culture, and experiences all shape who we are and what our gauge for healthy is.
Communication is the key to successfully setting boundaries. We need to make sure we deliberately let others know what is acceptable and what is not, and we need to stay consistent with these boundaries to be effective in keeping them.
It is healthy for you and others to have boundaries and to stay committed to following them. Why is it Important to Have Person Boundaries reminds us why this is so critical. When life is anything but predictable, now more than ever, we need to be clear and intentional about our boundaries to invite positive relationships into our lives.
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