We tend to think of divorce as a negative. It is full of loss and change and that can be scary, but it can also be a blessing.
I have learned after being unmarried for almost five years that although this is not how I pictured my life or the vision I had for my family, that there are, without a doubt, gifts that divorce has brought to me. The dreaded time without my children nearly crippled me the first few times. I had anxiety when they were leaving and could not wait to have them return each time they were away. As time went on, I discovered I was slowly remembering how to be by myself. How to think about what made me happy and how I enjoyed spending my time. I remember someone asking me what I did in my spare time and I truly did not know how to answer. I had been so wrapped up in saving my marriage and then, when it was clearly unsalvageable, I was so busy trying to distract my children from realizing there was a problem that I literally do not remember much of what happened in my life.
Gift #1 Time to Remember Me
The fact that I could not name my favorite book or tv show or even my thoughts on a specific topic was a reminder that I had let go of who I was. I had been so busy trying to avoid conflict and repair things, that I just went with the flow and did not share my own views.
Until one day, I started feeling different. I started feeling better about expressing how I felt about current events or the way something was being handled in my home. I started to remember that I really enjoyed reading at bedtime and that I was actually good at sales and marketing. I started to reach out to friends and even make new friends. One weekend I literally did nothing, but binge watch a show I had learned about on Netflix (OK, that was not the most productive thing to do with my time, but it was my time).
Gift #2 Making Memories with My Children
To this day, both of my kids talk about when we lived in our rentals and how much fun we had. We used to play ping pong in the living room and swim in our tiny pool that would barely fit all three of us in it. We went for bike rides and worked out at the gym. We bought a Christmas tree and bought dollar store decorations, but it looked beautiful and we had a wonderful holiday. We had moments of sadness too, but we worked through it together. It was the start of many amazing memories that we will have together as long as we are here.
Gift #3 Girls Nights/Weekends
Instead of feeling sad and lonely while my kids were not with me, I started to accept the invitations to visit friends on the weekends. I went to see my best friend in Minnesota for her birthday while she was pregnant. I went to Georgia to watch a college football game. I went to Texas with my sweet work friend, took a weekend cruise and took so many weekend trips to nearby places and nights just hanging and laughing with my girlfriends.
Gift #4 Career Goals
I got back into my career in full force. I needed to make a better income to provide for my family. I was always an award winner in sales and I had forgotten that I had talent in that department. I set attainable goals and achieved them. Then I stretched those goals and challenged myself to grow more and do better. I continue to do my best to improve with my career each day by learning from my mistakes and learning from the experience of those around me. Had I not experienced the challenges of divorce, I may not have ever ignited that fire within me to achieve.
Gift #5 Travel
With the bonus money I have earned, I have taken my children on some very special trips. We have had so much fun, seen so many sights and enjoyed our time with just three of us in New York City, traveling the Blue Ridge from FL to Washington DC, spent time on the beautiful coast of Massachusetts and Maine and had countless weekend trips to nearby cities. If I had not faced divorce and the overwhelming need for perseverance to take care of my family and give them the life they deserved, who knows if we would have ever experienced this travel and the places we still want to see.
I choose to see Divorce as a learning experience. One where I regained my independence, rediscovered my passions and set new goals. I choose to see divorce as a chance to start fresh and to do it better with more experience within me and to focus on the gifts it has brought into my life.
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