I have been reflecting lately on what it means to rebuild after a divorce. When I think of rebuilding or starting over, I think of a variety of ways we reconstruct. Besides physically rebuilding a home, there have been so many ways I have renovated my life. I often wonder if other people feel the same way.
To me, rebuilding encompasses all that has come into play in the past six years, including redeveloping my self-esteem. Although I may have appeared to be confident, there is a part of me that needed to remember the positive attributes I bring to the table.
I continually rebuild my skillset as a career woman and as a mother on my own. Even when I am doing well at work, I have moments when I cave in to negative feelings.
Rebuilding includes growth I have had in learning how to gain control of my finances and how to invest for the future. It also contains the many books I’ve read and the classes I’ve taken. It incorporates getting back into the dating world and struggling to figure out what I am looking for and what I bring to the table.
Rebuilding involves choosing to wait until my family has had the opportunity to heal before bringing another family into the mix.
It was very intentional for me to wait as long as I did to become committed to a lifelong relationship with someone else. I wanted to allow my children to be more mature and to be able to articulate their feelings and needs. I wanted to give my time and attention to my children and meet their needs as a parent, knowing how quickly the time is flying by.
Since 2014 I have been rebuilding my life on my own with my children. I’ve struggled to learn things about myself that I needed to modify and what I love about myself. I have discovered boundaries and actions I will no longer accept from others.
Even after I have allowed myself time to heal and time to grow, I still find myself needing to heal and grow. At times I felt guilty about moving forward with my life. I have times I think I have made so much progress and overcome so much, and then I have moments when I feel I have so much more to do. Each of us does our timeline a bit differently, just as each of us has different experiences leading us to our preferred path. The important part is staying true to your own goals and hopes for your situation.
Rebuilding after a life-changing event like divorce may not happen over-night. It may take several phases and even some remodifications before it feels right.
And you know what? That is ok- I say do the work, take the time and get it right!
Leave a Reply