Messing up is part of the process. It is how we learn what we did not know and how we grow from our mistakes and challenges.
Reflecting on so many times, I wish I would have known better, I must remember: Nobody is perfect, and we can all learn from our slip-ups. Maybe we can learn from one another!
How you choose to handle the situation will make all of the difference in the outcome. I have always been the girl who owns her flaws, to the degree of making others uncomfortable with my openness. When I mess up, I usually just announce it and try to make it better. I often wonder what separates those of us who confess and beg for forgiveness from those who dodge the subject or pretend it never happened?
Forgive yourself
The tricky part is when our children see us make a mistake. We quickly judge ourselves or beat ourselves up about how we should have done better or been faster or known more or not done this or said that! Maybe you could have handled the situation differently. Perhaps you could have chosen another way to address a topic or concern. It is ok. Forgive yourself! You are not perfect.
Own it
When transitioning through a divorce or raising your children as a single or co-parent, you are bound to blunder. Whether it is forgetting an event or a game or turning in the important school form late, give yourself a break. And own it.
Maybe it is the way I confess that I messed up, but very rarely does anyone get so upset that they do not accept my apology and move on. When others see that we are accountable for our actions and words, I think it allows them to see us and our mistakes in a different light.
One of the most critical areas in life to be open to your flaws is with your children. If you have made a mistake involving or affecting your children, discuss it with them. Recently, I said something out of character to my teenage daughter, and she called me out. She said, “how do you think that made me feel?” and it stopped me in mid-sentence. She was right. I was taking my crabby mood and turning into her problem. I had not considered her feelings, nor had I contemplated that it was unkind to act that way in general. I was speaking from my bad attitude and not thinking that it would bring her down too. I immediately apologized to her and confessed that it was unfair and wrong to act that way and that I had been selfish to let my foul mood interfere with her happy day. She thanked me and explained that she was not trying to be disrespectful, but that she wanted me to know that I had hurt her feelings so that I was aware.
Learn from it
Boy, did that hit me. First of all, I would have never called my parents out on, well pretty much anything, but definitely not their mood or how they hurt my feelings. I admired her ability to articulate how she felt in such a mature way. Second, I was so surprised at how admitting I was wrong genuinely meant a lot to her. She felt heard, and she immediately softened her demeanor. It was such a great lesson in humility.
Don’t be too hard on yourself when you mess up. Own it. Learn from it and remember who is learning from your example. You will get better and better!