Co-Parenting After Divorce

If you share custody of your children, you are likely co-parenting. Whether they are toddlers or teens, there will continue to be circumstances where you see one another for your children’s activities and sports, birthdays, holidays, etc. In the best of scenarios, you do this with grace and love for your children as the guiding force. As such an essential topic in parenting through divorce and beyond, we need to discuss how to make it happen. I called in re-enforcements from some of the couples I have witnessed to an outstanding job of not only co-parenting but setting an example of what it means to put their children first. Because they have done this, their children are thriving, confident, and happy.

So, what is the secret?

 

Divorce is hard! Nobody said it would be easy, and co-parenting is one of those challenging aspects that we face. One mom said, “Co-parenting effectively is taking your emotion out of it. It is way too difficult to be emotionally engaged (anger, resentment, jealousy, etc.) and co-parent. You must release control and allow the other parent to do things the way they choose! Their time with your children is their time. What they do, how they do it, and who they do it with is not up to you. If you are having a tough time, ask yourself, “am I operating from an emotional point of view or a logical one?” Do your best to remember what is best for your children is to live in a peaceful and positive environment.

 

Another parent suggested, have an open line of communication with your child’s other parent. If you are consistent in keeping contact, most times, you will alleviate misunderstandings and stay on the same page. Our children need to see us on the same team, their team. Whenever possible, stick to a schedule. An agenda will allow both the kids and parents opportunities to make plans and know what to expect. If there needs to be a modification, let the children and the other parent know as soon as possible so they can allow for the change. When children get older and begin making more plans outside of family time, be understanding. Try to get with the other parent to establish rules, such as curfew and stay consistent at both homes.

 

One of the most consistent messages from parents who co-parent well is a big one – Never speak negatively about the other parent. Whether you disagree with them or not, your child’s parent should never be disparaged by you. Also, do not name call, roll your eyes, shake your head, or use a negative tone when speaking with your children about their parent. Do not bad mouth the other parent with others either. Do not stop your child from sharing stories or memories about the other parent with you. Do not monitor phone calls or facetime or ask them to repeat conversations with the other parent. Children feel caught in the middle when these behaviors occur, and they are not fair. DON’T DO IT!

 

Our kids are struggling to navigate a huge life change that was not their decision, in which they have no control. It is our job as parents to prioritize our children’s well-being and to respect them by respecting and honoring their parents.