In the first year of my separation, I had terrible anxiety when my kiddos left for the weekend. Going from 99% parent to 50% parent was extremely uncomfortable. I was used to making all of the meals. I went to the pediatrician appointments since they were born and parent-teacher conference since they started school. What if they had friend drama? Being Mom was my role. It was my job for 12 years. We had special tuck-in rituals and inside jokes.
At first I did silly things like look at their lunch boxes when they came back to me to see what was packed. It was hard to let go of the control I had for all of those years. I no longer had the say in their outfits or schedules when they were not with me and it took some time to be settled with this. I realized I had some work to do on myself to be at peace. Instead I shifted my focus to whether the children truly had fun and if they were adjusting or were sad/confused/hurt because of the divorce and needed to talk it out. Their adjustment was what was the most important.
When I did not have my children with me, I would do my best to plan plenty of things to do for myself or even get out of town to visit friends to distract myself. I made my hair appointments, caught a movie with a friend or went on long runs with my free time.
A few years later…I realize my children’s lives would be ok 100% of the time even if they are with me 50% of the time. It is going to be ok!
Lunches may not be packed the same way. Different clothes will be chosen. Bedtime rituals might vary and jokes may change, but they are OK. Learning to be away from mom gives them a chance to grow and learn. Bonding with both parents is essential to a healthy childhood.
And as I have a little time to crank up the tunes and deep clean the house or pour a glass of wine and call a long-distance girlfriend to catch up, I realize it is all going to be ok. They are. I am. We are.
You know what? You are too.
We’ve got this.